Archive for November, 2009

Enjoy the Socialized Medicine!

Posted in alex gonzalez is gone again, hot stove, HZMLS, The Whiteyfication of Fenway Park on November 27, 2009 by hzmls


I WANTZ UR POESITIONZ!


Just like three years ago, Alex Gonzalez is gone again. He can’t really hit, he swings at just about everything, but god damn he can play some defense. But on a team that had all sorts of trouble putting together big innings last year having a sub .300 OBP won’t cut it. Look at all the other players that had higher On Base Percentages than Gonzalez.

1. Derek Jeter
2. Marco Scutaro
3. Porn Star Houston

4. Ted William’s Frozen Head
5. The Backup left fielder on the Saugus Waumpanaug JV softball team
6. Eddie Andelman
7. The Jesus Guy who stands outside of every Boston event with the “You are going to hell placard”
8. A blind folded Kevin Youkilis
9. Eddie Gaedel

10. EVERY OTHER SHORT STOP NOT NAMED YUNIESKY BETANCOURT.

If there is one thing that Theo doesn’t seem to “get”, it’s fielding a viable shortstop that can do more than one aspect of baseball without drooling on himself. Lugo, Gonzalez, Lowrie, Cabrera, Nick Green, the list just goes on and on. With Marco Scutaro and possibly Orlando Cabrera being the only decent stop gaps available this year (unless there is a trade out there), there might be yet another giant void at shortstopYou have to admit watching Gonzalez in the field is something special, but god at times he was painfully bad at the plate. The carousel at SS continues, but we can trust Theo right? RIGHT???

All Josh McDaniels is Trying to Do Is…

Posted in Josh McDaniels, SmartyBarrett, swearing, this has nothing to do with anything on November 27, 2009 by hzmls

This game counted right?

Posted in BC Eaglwhimsy, HZMLS on November 22, 2009 by hzmls


This was a picture of the BC/St. Francis game the other day…No lie there must have been like 1000 fans in attendance.

And Peter King is an idiot too…

Posted in HZMLS, I wonder what Nazi shark would have thought, Patriots Haterade, seriously though fuck the Colts on November 17, 2009 by hzmls

Everything that needs to be said about the Colts-Pats game has already been said. Believe me, nothing I am going to say here is going to be any magical revelation that is going to shatter your mind about that ball crunching loss. It sucks, and for many no matter what I say is going to be any consolation for a game we should have won. But what I can say is this, losing one regular season game to the Colts is not as bad as it seems. True, home field advantage is pretty much lost, and true the Patriots and Belichick hate brigade are all wiping the semen off their keyboards after their two day jerk off fest, but there is still hope. I was talking to SmartyBarrett yesterday and we both felt that Belichick made the right move, and no matter what Dan Shaughnessy says, he is wrong (entitled Belichick’s Gaffe Unrivale):

This was as bad as anything the Red Sox ever did. Had it been a playoff game, it would be right up there with Bucky Dent, Bill Buckner, Aaron Boone, and History Derailed in Glendale, Ariz.”

That’s a little bit dramatic don’t you think? Hey CHB, every incident you mentioned was a playoff or championship game. THIS WAS A FUCKING REGULAR SEASON GAME. Take a deep breath your curly haired disgrace to our city, because in the grand scheme of things we are still in contention for a first round bye, and we could still have home field advantage against everyone, except the Colts. But you know what? WHO CARES! We almost beat the Colts, at home, without Ty Warren, Jarvis Green, Tully Banta Cain, and straddled with retarded ball droppy Lawrence Maroney and we still ALMOST WON. Bring on the Colts in the playoffs, the Patriots will beat them.

But for others out there, this is just another schaundefreude-ingly fun laugh at “that angry old coot’s” failures. For instance, talking dunderhead and blog favorite Jay Mariotti had this to say:

“Welcome to Bill Belichick’s comeuppance, a wonderful day for anyone who has thought of him as a cheater and a boor. The hoodie had his initials, “BB,” emblazoned on the front of his outer wear. Not since Bill Buckner has a “BB” in Boston sports blundered worse. Staring straight ahead and speaking in his trademark monotone, he took questions and didn’t seem to regret what he had done, even though the Patriots are 6-3 and effectively four games behind the 9-0 Colts for playoff positioning in a rivalry where the home field means plenty.”

I love the completely irrelevant shots at Belichick, childish-ly calling him names like “monotone” and “boor” (which he is but still). Why so angry Jay? Are you happy to see Belichick fail because he declined to give you a comment for your internet column, or because you caught him sleeping with your wife? And hubris for Spygate? Wasn’t that the 2007 Super Bowl? Go to hell Jay. You are just bitter that you live in Chicago and have to live Jay Cutler’s sucktastic ass for the next ten years. You know the quarterback that is like a less talented, pancreas devoid Brett Favre. Shoudn’t you be bitching and moaning about Cutler throwing 5 interceptions against the fucking 49ers? Enjoy watching the Cubs and White Sox suck balls again next year.

All I am saying Patriots fans, is get off your ledges, put away the bottle of Jack Daniels that has been easing your pain, and get the hell off Belichick’s back. Stats already show that he made the best move, and we all know that if Faulk moved the ball two more inches, we would all be lauding how great and gutsy our coach is. We took a 9-0 team down to the final minute the 12th round and almost won, nothing to be depressed and ashamed about. And for the love of god, stop listening to what WEEI, Boston Dirt Dogs, and the reactionary media says. Personally, I still think the Pats are going to finish 12-4 or 13-3 and get that first round, bye. Brady looks as strong as he did in 2007, our defense is solid and we still have the best coach in football. And remember, keep that chip on your shoulder Mass Hysterians, because this is what most of the blog world thinks of you:

“YOU GAWT LUCKY! BELICHICK SHOULD HAVE BEEN REWAHHHDED FAR HIS BAWLLS! HE’S SETTING YOU UP FAR THE NEXT GAME! WE WERE-AH THAH BETTAH TEAM! BAD SPAWT! BAD SPAWT! NO ONE DENIES THIS! I SECRETLY SAW THIS COMING! DON’T YOU SEE? BELICHICK IS KEITH HERNANDEZ! HE’S THAT COOL! THREE RINGS! WE STILL HAVE THREE RINGS AND YOU DO NAWT!”

Hardy har har KSK. So fucking witty, go run through a goddamn brick wall.

Patriots @ Colts, November 15, 2009 *LIVE BLOG*

Posted in Live Blog, Patriots, seriously though fuck the Colts, SmartyBarrett on November 16, 2009 by hzmls

<a href=”http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php?option=com_mobile&task=viewaltcast&altcast_code=bbc64fca5d” >Patriots @ Colts, November 15, 2009 *LIVE BLOG*</a>

Afternoon Checklist

Posted in Live Blog, Patriots, seriously though fuck the Colts, SmartyBarrett on November 15, 2009 by hzmls


Smarty Barrett’s Afternoon Checklist:

1. Order a shit-ton of wings √
2. Stock the fridge with beer √
3. Make a crazy crock pot concoction that’ll be ready for game-time √
4. Have a fantasy team where the bench is out-scoring the starters √
5. Live-Blog the Pats/Colts game


YOUR Afternoon Checklist:

1. Order a shit-ton of wings √
2. Stock the fridge with beer √
3. Make a crazy crock pot concoction that’ll be ready for game-time √
4. Make fun of Smarty Barrett’s fantasy team √
5. Come back to Mass Hysteria at 8:00 for the Pats/Colts Live-Blog

That’s right, kids. Myself, HZMLS, and whomever else wants to join in will be Live-Blogging the action tonight. So y’all need to get FIRED UP! As fired up as this guy:

Wu Tang Eat Your Heart Out

Posted in BC Eagles, beanpotty goodness, HZMLS, terrible terrible rap on November 15, 2009 by hzmls


As both a fan of sports and rap music, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to pass along this little gem. They got rhythm? Check. They have ridonkulous mullets? Check. Is the sound quality terrible? Check. Enjoy.

h/t: Sportsbybrooks