Game 6 Liveblog: Kobe Seppuku Anticipation Station

Hubris (also hybris; pronounced /ˈhjuːbrɪs/) means extreme haughtiness or arrogance. Hubris often indicates being out of touch with reality and overestimating one’s own competence or capabilities, especially for people in positions of power.

A lot of talk has been made about Kobe Bryant’s place in history, how he should rank among the game’s ten best players, etc. etc. “He has four rings,” everyone says. Sure, yes, Kobe Bryant has won four championships. But I really consider only last year’s to be “his,” and even that one was saved by a Derek Fisher three-pointer to put Game 4 into overtime. The first three were Shaq-dominated Finals, as evidenced by the fact that Shaq averaged at least 33 points and 12 rebounds in each series, and won the MVP each year.
So to me, “Kobe’s team,” really only has one ring. Meanwhile, he’s lost two (he was the alpha dog on the Malone-Payton Lakers team that lost to the Pistons, and he was embarrassed against the C’s two years ago). And Kobe is about to lose another.
Why do I feel confident? Strangely enough, because of Kobe’s best play of the series. When Rapey Bryant scored 23 in a row on Sunday night, I knew the Lakers were doomed. He got that “I’m going 1 on 5” look in his eye. His teammates stopped giving a shit, and with good reason. His trust issues reared their ugly head at the worst possible time, just as they have throughout his career. Nowadays, Kobe has to be the center of attention. Kobe has to be the alpha dog. Kobe has to carry the team by himself, and with no help. Because of that, Kobe is going to lose. It’s the folly of hubris.
9;01 1st: Uncle Phil Fisher made a steal and beat Rondo to the hoop. This came after Ron Artest made a three. Bizarre start to the game.
6:55 1st: The Laker have 14 points, and all of their starters have scored already. Thankfully Ray FINALLY looks to be back in shooting form.
5:30 1st: ShitshitshitshitSHIT. Perk is down. Goddamnit. Looks like his knee, hope it’s not one of his shoulders. He’s given the C’s a serious dose of Bad Mother Fucker this series, we can’t have him out.
2:52 1st – WTF RON ARTEST IS CRAZYING SHOTS INTO THE HOOP. Meanwhile, the C’s have worse shot selection than the guy who put seven bullets into 50 Cent. C’s down by 8.
End of 1st. Could not be going worse for C’s. We can’t defend a thing, Rondo is taking stupid shots, Kobe is not only scoring but passing as well, RON ARTEST is bombing away, and oh yeah, here’s Simmons’ latest tweet:
“Perk helped off by 2 guys. Slowly. He’s done. Looks like a blown-out knee.” FUCK

10:00 2nd: Nate Robinson just passed the ball off the top of the backboard to no one in particular. If he had simultaneously shit himself, torn an ACL and then allowed someone to grab the rebound and dunk on the other end, it would perfectly summarize how this game is going for the C’s so far.

8:38 2nd: My brother, who blew out his ACL, MCL and PCL in high school, just texted me to say that Perk’s injury looked worse than his own. Thanks little bro!

8:00 2nd: JEWISH JORDAN FARMAR JUST OUTHUSTLED THE ENTIRE CELTICS TEAM. I’m looking around the room for sharp objects.
God I wish Johnny Most was around to describe this series. Imagine Johnny describing Kobe? Gasol? Artest?! Oh my god I just got a chub imagining Johnny Most doing play by play of a Ron Artest game. It would be the greatest sports broadcast in history, and break every FCC regulation.
6:54: Lakers now lead by 17. Someone hand me a puppy to kick.
6:50 2nd: Dane “Comedy Cancer” Cook is there supporting the Celtics. This all makes sense now.
3:57 2nd: Dude, every time I’ve had an x-ray, I’ve had the results in roughly three minutes. But Perk’s is taking a half hour? Or are they just not telling Doris Burke in fear of her penis? Oh, and the lead is 22. We just put Shelden Williams in the game. That pretty much describes where the C’s are at – Shelden Williams’ tardface.
2:00 2nd: Not gonna lie, I’m too busy enjoying the tweets about whether Farmar’s dunk on Garnett was the greatest dunk by a Jewish point guard over a 7-foot Hall of Famer ever. Personally, I have to go with the time that Tamir Goodman did a 720 and caved in Shaq’s left cheekbone.
Halftime. We’re down 20. Outrebounded 30-13. Bench has been outscored 15-0. All of our starters who have played (not counting Perk’s seven minutes) are at least -15. I’ve never felt more hate during a sporting event. Well, at least one not involving the Gators.
7:05 3rd: Celtics playing better so far this quarter, but haven’t made shots to knock lead down. Still, rebounding, passing, defending much better. But you can’t cut down a lead like this until you start shooting the lights out.
5:28 3rd: Jordan Farmar and Shannon Brown have now dunked on us tonight.
A terrible note from Simmons’ liveblog – Perkins apparently heard something pop and is definitely out for the game.
A funny note from Simmons’ liveblog: Among the celebrities there is former WCW Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.
4:54 3rd: Shannon Brown has some fucking UPS. Wow can that dude get up there.
End 3rd. Lakers took their largest lead at 25. I want to throw up. Think I’ll go to bed now before I start damaging things in the house. Bring on Game 7.
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11 Responses to “Game 6 Liveblog: Kobe Seppuku Anticipation Station”

  1. We can all thank Pau for that.

  2. Perk…please, for the love of God, pull a 2008 Finals Paul Pierce comeback. Fuck, balls, and shit.My word verification is "worres". Close enough.

  3. Has Hollywood just given up on making good movies? I haven't seen a worthwhile movie in about three years.

  4. Iron Man 2 had some redeeming qualities. Of course I mean Scarlett qualities wrapped in a skin tight outfit.

  5. Even Odom is getting into this, and he looks like he took a double dose of NYQuil before the game.

  6. This is like, practice right?Tip-off's not 'til what 10pm? Such a sloppy scrimmage.

  7. I am going to stay calm here;JESUS FUCKING CHRIST BOSTON GODDAMN CELTICS, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT.

  8. Before we all swallow Draino, please remember that the C's were down 25 against the Lakers at one point in 2008.

  9. Evidently "elbow to the mouth" doesn't count as a foul if you wear purple and yellow.

  10. Sorry that I have been MIA for a number of months. Before you make your next Celtics post, let me get my unbiased opinion . Ok, well thoughts, not opinions. And, well, unbiased as to Celtics-Lakers, biased as to Anti-Kobe. I hope the Celtics beat the ever-living snot out of the Lakers and every actor on the sideline.

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