Archive for the college basketball Category

R.I.P. Kyle Singler

Posted in college basketball, kyle singlers aryan bash, national championship, seriously though fuck duke, SmartyBarrett, whimsy on April 6, 2010 by hzmls


Lost in the shuffle of last night’s National Championship game was the unfortunate end to Kyle Singler in a death-by-pick tragedy. Singler was rushing up court when he slammed into Matt “Hair Lip” Howard and was killed instantly. Coroners have determined the cause of death to be a combination of albinism, hemophilia, allergies to sunlight, and getting LAID THE FUCK OUT. The above photo shows Singler’s last moments alive. The Duke medical staff asked the doctors not to rule out the fact that Duke players are constantly told to go down when there is even the slightest bit of contact, but when they saw him leaving the court in a body bag, they became concerned. A bit of good news, however: Singler’s family has not ruled out allowing his corpse to star in the next Twilight movie.

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Your Semi-Irregular College Hoops Post

Posted in college basketball, evan turner, SmartyBarrett, temple owls, the owl's nest, URI homerism on February 12, 2010 by hzmls


Yes, the college hoops posting here lately has been lacking to say the least, but rest assured: college ball is still…what’s the phrase? Oh yeah: FUCKING AWESOME. For anyone who hasn’t been paying attention this year, all I can tell you is there’s so much parity right now that my head hurts just THINKING about filling out a bracket come March. Who’s the best team right now? Kansas? Kentucky? Syracuse? Bryant? It’s a wide open field this year, so be sure to fasten your seatbelts on March 18th.

One thing I can tell you this year is that there’s no question in my mind who the best player in the league is: Ohio State’s Evan Turner. Yeah yeah, I’m sure GHABBY et al will tell you about John Wall and how OMG NAZTY LEBRON #1 PICK!!! he is, but Turner is more NBA-ready at this point. Wall has a ton of raw talent, but he is just a freshman and he’s prone to mistakes. I think his upside is higher, but if you’re strictly discussing the best player RIGHT NOW, it’s Turner, no question. Watch the dude play if you haven’t already.

Now onto *gulp* my Rhode Island Rams. Honestly the reason I’ve been hesitant to post on them is because I am insanely superstitious and genuinely afraid of a jinx. But they’re 19-4, 7-3 in the very tough A-10, and have a real good shot at making the tourney this year. Ahhh I’m jinxing them! Shut up, Smarty, shut up!

For now, check out the interview I did with the Temple Owl’s blog The Owl’s Nest about the game tomorrow between URI and Temple. Should be a good one; check it out if you can, and check out their site as well. I’m betting a lot of D-1 teams wish they had a fan blog this good. Enjoy it, and enjoy the countdown: 4 weeks to Selection Sunday!

BC needs to play Miami nine more times

Posted in BC homerism, college basketball, HZMLS on January 20, 2010 by hzmls

After looking like utter balls for the past month BC somehow beat The U for the second time this year. Now beating a school that cares only about their felonious football team and Bo Schembeckler shouldn’t matter much but it does. Because as one of the few remaining BC bball fans that doesn’t wear a paper bag over his head, wins are wins. Will they win again this year? There is a better chance that Martha Coakley will win the senate seat in two years. BTW great campaign moron. She is like the 2004 Yankees, strong start and wimpered at the end. This is the only political reference you will see on this site that doesn’t involve Lord Palmerstone. Now you can all resume not giving a rats ass about BC SPORTS.

DO NOT Draft This Man

Posted in college basketball, i already cant stand to hear Rocky Top, white people jokes on January 11, 2010 by hzmls

ESPN’s Chad Ford has him ranked 8th among all available draft prospects. Nbadraft.net has him 12th. Draft Express has him 5th. Yes kids, Cole Aldrich is going to make a ton of money next year as a lottery pick in the NBA.
And it will be a giant, massive, humongous mistake. Why? Because Cole Aldrich is terrible.
But let’s back up for a second. With my move last week to the losing side of the War of Northern Aggression, I have the opportunity to attend college sports on a slightly higher level than “Northeastern-Maine.” And when the No. 1 team in the country and their sure-fire lottery pick made their way into Knoxville yesterday, I had to go.
I went in expecting a blowout, especially given that Tennessee just lost four of their best players, including their best player, F Tyler Smith. The Vols were down to nine warm bodies, four of which were walk-ons. One of those walk-ons? Stevie Pearl, the coach’s friggin kid, who had a gaudy 0.5 ppg average. As someone who hates UT with the fire of a thousand suns, I was positvely giddy at the prospect of the prison-rape that Kansas was about to put on 22,000 orange-clad yahoos.
Except the exact opposite happened. To say that the Vols were inspired by the suspension brouhaha is to say that T-Pain is slightly overproduced. The remaining Vol players collectively inflated their testicles to grapefruit size and brought it rough and without lube to Kansas. Tennessee muscled Kansas around in the paint, sunk timely threes, never let the KU guards penetrate, and generally never let up against the top team in the country. UT took the lead early and never relinquished it, culminating in a MONEY three from walk-on Skylar McBee with 34 seconds left that sealed the deal for UT. (Side note: this was by far the loudest, most raucous game I’ve ever been at. Absolutely insane. My ears are still ringing this morning. It made a Celtics playoff game look like a nursing home)
But back to Aldrich, the reason for this post. After seeing him live and in person, against a completely undermanned squad no less, I can safely say that Cole Aldrich is a giant stiff. His body actually circulates formaldehyde. Gheorge Muresan laughs at him. He has the grace of a foal being born.
Sure, the box score will tell you that Aldrich had seven points, four blocks and 18 rebounds against UT, but let me tell you the truth here – he’s the reason that Kansas lost that game. I saw him execute exactly one low-post move in the entire game, and when KU needed scoring in crunch time, Aldrich was either nowhere to be seen or on the bench completely. And it’s not like he was playing Dwight Howard and Josh Smith here – UT’s top post player played less than 20 minutes due to foul trouble, and he was matched up mostly against walk-ons and freshmen. Given all that, Aldrich could still do NOTHING on the offensive end. A sure-fire lottery pick, seemingly the best low post player in the country, an All-American…and he couldn’t get shots off against Bruce Pearl’s kid Stevie.
So buyer beware NBA teams. If you’re considering drafting Cole Aldrich, and a lot of teams are, know what you’re getting. Yes, he can rebound and block the occasional shot, but make no mistake: Cole Aldrich’s best-case scenario is a five-inches-shorter Hasheem Thabeet, and his worst case could be closer to the last big white stiff center to come out of Kansas…

Your Sweet 16 Is Set

Posted in college basketball, Epic Fail, fack youk, GHABBYfail, guitar solo sunday, linkity goodness, NCAA Tournament, SmartyBarrett on March 23, 2009 by hzmls


Louisville, Arizona, Kansas, Michigan State, Connecticut, Purdue, Missouri, Memphis, Pittsburgh, Xavier, Villanova, Duke, North Carolina, Gonzaga, Syracuse, and Oklahoma. How many you got?


Yeah, me too. Looks like Balla Miguel is in first in our little bracket challenge with yours truly holding down second and HZMLS locked up in third. But that isn’t really a surprise, right? Myself and HZMLS are pretty knowledgeable college basketball-folk. So is GHABB,Y~! Hey, where’s he?

*checks brackets*

Oh… Oh God… Ahem, well. Looks like he’s in 14th place out of 17 and in the twelfth percentile. By comparison, Miguel and I are in the 90th percentile and above. Raquel is beating you, GHABB,Y~! RAQUEL IS BEATING YOU!!! Two of your final four are gone! One of them didn’t even win a game! You correctly predicted exactly 8 of the Sweet 16. You have 0 correct match-ups. I got 14 of them. I thought we agreed on everything?


Enough taunting. Time to move on to what I do just as well – shameless promoting. I stumbled upon a blog called Fack Youk a while back and despite their name and their shameless love for the Yankees, they have some good shit there. I decided to jump in on their recurring feature called “Guitar Solo Sunday” and I put something together for them. Check out me rocking out in this week’s edition. It kicks ass and stuff.

Breakfast with the Hysterics

Posted in college basketball, HZMLS, NCAA Tournament on March 20, 2009 by hzmls


My god the combination of yesterday and today is probably one of the best days in sports during the year. The tournament has started, yesterday had some great games, but no real upsets (unless you consider Western Kentucky beating Illinois, but come on Ill. scored 33 points in a game this year). Today there are some great matchups, with probably the most intriguing of course being BC-USC. I realize now that I am in a big minority in not only picking BC to beat USC, but also to go on next round and beat Michigan State. But I’ve ranted on that long enough, and I’m sure you readers are sick of hearing about it. If they do however win tonight, be prepared for an alcohol induced tirade that is sure to make as much sense as the plotline of Lost.

I feel obligated to mention that the Bruins played last night, and dropped what should have been an easy win against a bad Kings team 3-2 in OT. Pretty painful loss, because they had a 2-0 lead going into the third period but goals by Michal Handzus, Drew Doughty and the killer by Dustin Brown (who will not be the backup catcher for the Red Sox) iced the Bruins. As you know my hockey knowledge is very limited, but jesus everytime I look at the B’s results it seems they have blown yet another game. See Cornelius, and every other hockey fan here that bitches when I forget about mentioning the Bruins? I just wrote a whole fucking paragraph about them.

Day one of the Tournament Challenge is complete and our diabetic overlord is in charge with a ten point lead:
1. GHABBY
2 tied – HZMLS, J. Sweeney, D. Smith. E. Dolan, Stanley Cup of Chowder

And in last place, in the 2nd percentile: Cornelius Hardenbergh.

Let’s Do This Thing

Posted in college basketball, NCAA Tournament, predictions that will definitely come true, SmartyBarrett on March 19, 2009 by hzmls